Whoa! Serious Revelations of Doom and Gloom
by Principles of Magic
Summary: [OneShot] Death has never been this funny before. How do the Marauders handle glimpses of their futures, especially when their futures aren't so bright? It's an all out laugh fest featuring Lily, James, Sirius, Peter, Remus, Frank, Alice and Bellatrix!


**This is little one-shot I randomly thought of late one night and simply knew I had to write it: What happens when your favorite Marauders get a glimpse of the future? It's twice as funny if you've read the Deathly Hallows, which I'm sure you have. If you haven't, do it or I'll sic Peter on you… well, you'll see…**

**Disclaimer: I wish….but JK Rowling owns these amazing characters.**

**Whoa… (Serious Revelations of Doom and Gloom)**

By: Principles of Magic

James Potter woke up suddenly. The Gryffindor common room was peaceful and silent, but James had been woken by a nagging feeling, as if Death had just pointed from him to his watch. _Wait, what?_ James thought; feeling for his glasses on the nightstand, _Death has a watch? _And then somewhere in the back of his mind, he heard: _ If Death can have an invisibility cloak he can have a watch, James. Come on, Potter! _and James muttered to his consciousness, "Okay, okay, don't start with me, it's too early," as he swung he feet out of the four-poster bed and into his scarlet slippers.

Peter, Sirius, Frank and Remus all stared at James, as he muttered his way out of his pajamas.

"You alright, mate?" asked a concerned Sirius.

"Yeah, James, why are you talking to yourself so early?" Peter yawned, turning back into his pillow.

James pulled on his sweater. "I don't know. Bad dream, I guess."

Twenty minutes later. The five boys headed out of the portrait hole, unknowing that this was going to be the strangest day of their lives.

Remus was hidden behind the morning's _Daily Prophet_.

"Read us the headlines, Moony." Begged Sirius, shoving a spoonful of cereal in his mouth.

"Fine," said Remus, a bit annoyed, turning back to the front page.

"Ministry struggles with new rising Dark Lord, New Cleansweep model recall, Birth announcement for…..hey look."

Remus spread the paper over the four friends' plates. Below the main headline was a smiling picture of a baby, shaking its fist and cooing at the camera. Underneath, read:

**Nymphadora Tonks, Born to Andromeda Black-Tonks and Ted Tonks**

"Jumping Merlin!" shouted Sirius, slapping his forehead as he pulled the paper closer. "I never knew Andri was having a baby! She's my favorite cousin, you know, blimey."

"What is this?" chuckled James, pulling his toast from under the paper. "Padfoot getting all worked up over a baby? I thought you hated all your cousins."

"I do," said Sirius, looking up at James. "Like Bella and Cissy." He rolled his eyes. "But Andromeda has always been great to me, really. Guess it's because we've both been blasted from the family tree." Sirius made a violent noise as he jabbed his wand into the air.

Remus was still adoring the picture of little Nymphadora in Sirius' hand.

"Cripes, Remus," Sirius laughed. "At least wait till she's older before you go all lovey-mushy on my cousin." Remus went red.

"I just wanted my paper back. It's not like I'm going to marry her or something." But even before he finished, Remus was struck by something unseen. He looked dumbstruck, mouth hanging open. "_Whoa…_" he breathed.

"What?" squeaked Peter.

"I don't know. It was like…like déjà vu, but not entirely…"

James continued to stare at Remus, but Sirius waved him away.

"Right, we should start calling you Loony Lupin, Remus. Real funny." And he playfully threw the paper back at Remus.

Peter, Remus and James laughed until they heard a screech from the Slytherins behind them.

"Argh!"

It was the sixth year prefect, and Sirius's cousin, Bellatrix.

"She has a baby?! A baby!"

"Yeah," said Sirius coolly, swinging around in his seat. "If you ever need any help babysitting…."

Bellatrix, thronged by her fellow sixth years, tore the paper to shreds.

"Sirius…why do you think I would want to baby-sit the spawn of a blood traitor like Andri."

James leaned over to Sirius, stage-whispering. "Wait, aren't they sisters…?"

"Potter!" screamed Bellatrix, placing her hands on her hips. "Stay out of this, 'kay?"

"Whoa-ho-ho, wait just one second, Bella. Don't drag my best mate into the family feud!" Sirius tried to pull James back to the Gryffindor table but James was on a roll.

"Yeah Bella, Sirius can have little Tonksy-Wonksy over at Grimmauld every day…and there'll be ice cream and sunshine and happ—" Bella howled and punched James hard in the stomach. He fell to the floor, finishing "—iness. Oi."

Sirius immediately stood up, and was mirrored by Bella's boyfriend, Antonin Dolohov.

Bella swung at Siruis, who ducked, just to see Antonin dive at Remus, and Peter quickly hid under the table. Everyone in the Great Hall turned; the Gryffindors and Slytherins were at it again.

"Stop it, this ISTANT!"

The scene froze. Bella had Sirius by the hair. James was slowly getting up off the floor and Remus was trying to gnaw his way out of a headlock. Peter was on the verge of tears.

Stomping down the aisle were the Slytherin and Gryffindor seventh year prefects: Arthur Weasley and Augustus Rookwood.

"Bellatrix, I am _so _ashamed. How many times have I told you? Fight your family feud on your own time!"

"Sirius, get off of Miss Black…no, I don't care what she did…oh my god, James are you alright?"

"Fine," James coughed, clutching his stomach.

Rookwood pulled Bellatrix away from Sirius like a small child. "I should take points from Gryffindor…" he looked at Arthur, and in a moment of silent communication, it was agreed that if points were taken from both Slytherin and Gryffindor, the score would still be even and not to bother. "But I think we will let this one go."

Rookwood lead Bellatrix out of the Great Hall, and Arthur helped Peter from under the table.

James, finally able to stand up, barked: "Hey, Dolohov. Why don't you let up on Lupin, so he can breathe, why don't you?" And Antonin released Remus, who crumpled to the floor choking. Antonin grabbed his books, breathed to Remus, "I'll get you one day, Loopy," took his wand out, poked him hard in the chest with it, and stormed out to find Bellatrix.

Remus made a noise and everyone looked at him.

"_Whoa_…there it is again…that feeling…"

"What?" Arthur began sarcastically. "That the next time you see Dolohov he's gonna hex you? Yeah, we all feel that." And he helped Remus to his feet and left.

The four tried to continue breakfast, but the entire school was still stealing glances at them across their morning papers, so the four Marauders left the Great Hall, running into Frank and Alice on the way out. The two fellow Gryffindors were so close to each other, it was hard to tell them apart below the neck.

James waved to Frank. "You're always all over her, mate."

"Other way around, actually, but whatever." Answered Frank.

"Is _that_ why everyone is staring at us?" asked Alice.

"No," shrugged Remus. "It's us. We just got into a little shuffle with Bellatrix Black."

"Ooh," hissed Alice. "I don't like her at all. We saw here on our way here and told her we were going to find James and Sirius and you know what she said?" James shrugged and Sirius rolled his eyes, not caring. "She said that we were _crazy_ for hanging out with you two. Simply insane, mental, mad, _bonkers_…"

"They get it Alice," cooed Frank softly. "Point taken." But Alice continued.

"And then we both just stared back at her with blank faces because we both swore we were just hit with something invisible and we were like _Whoa_…"

Remus looked around at James and Sirius quickly to check their expressions.

"And then she said if we didn't stop gawking at her like a pair of first years she was going to personally Cruciate us down the block and back…or something like that, and it was like _Whoa _all over again! It was very—"  
"Familiar," interjected Remus, who now knew he wasn't the only person who was experiencing something really weird today.

"Yeah…like _Whoa_…" said Frank and Alice together, and then they shrugged, giggling as they continued to breakfast.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As the four marauders climbed in through the Gryffindor portrait hole, they were met by a frazzled Lily clutching a pink Puffskein. She quickly shushed Sirius, who'd been laughing at a joke he had remembered from Potions class.

"Quiet, Black; he's trying to sleep!" She shielded the Puffskein the arm of her robes, cooing it.

"Why are you babying that _thing_?" Sirius threw a sanity-questioning look towards Lily who scowled back.

"This _thing_, Black, is James's and my Care of Magical Creatures assignment! Professor Grubbly-Plank gave two people one Puffskein to take care of for a week. Remember, it was last class when Snape got bitten by that snake and it was weird because he was all '_Whoa…_' about it, remember? We even named it!"

"Named it?" Remus sat on the arm of one of the chintz chairs, followed by Peter. James, however, stood proudly next to Lily, letting the Puffskein play with his finger.

"Actually, _I_ named it! Say hello to little Harry Potter!"

Lily rolled her eyes. "Yeah, he's been on about that stupid name since forever, so now he's ecstatic that he'll be able to use it." Remus and Sirius both grimaced with Lily at the awful choice of a name, and she turned away from James, still cradling little Harry in her arms as she made her way to sit by the fire.

Remus took this time to express his feelings of doom and gloom. "Really, though, haven't you all felt anything odd today? Like some serious foreshadowing of your futures, but _awful_ foreshadowing? I mean, even Alice and Frank said that they felt it; they even said '_Whoa…_'! I mean, Peter, haven't you felt something odd; like that you were going to marry a baby?"

Peter snickered at this: "Wow, Remus, you really are Loony these days; ha-ha, Loony Lupin!"

Sirius scowled and in one swift movement, he had Peter in a practiced head-lock. "Dude, what did I say about that? Only _I_ can call Remus Loony, you unimaginative twerp!"

"Don't…call me…a twerp…you loser…" Peter's voice was segmented from behind Sirius's arm.

"That's _it_, time to haze!" Sirius grabbed one of Peter's flailing hands and proceeded to strangle him with it; the sound of Peter spluttering for air had James off his seat, roaring with laughter.

"Why are you choking yourself, huh, why are you choking yourself? What's wrong Peter? I can't hear you 'cause you're choking yourself!"

Even Remus was laughing now, despite the cloud of gloom and doom falling over him, but a harsh look from Lily silenced the three, and Sirius let go of Peter, letting him fall to the floor. "Aw, Evans, you ruin all our fun."

"_Whoa…" _Peter gasped from his place on the floor, his eyes suddenly clouded over. "That was the weirdest thing…like déjà vu or something…"

"See? It's happened to Wormtail, too, I knew it wasn't just me!" He jumped to his feet, accidentally kicking Peter in the head in the process. "Oh, sorry, Wormtail…"

Peter's face was bright red as he stood up, clenching his hands into fists. "You're all going to pay for this!" And he ran up the steps to his dormitory, slamming the door shut behind him.

Lily had just walked over to James, who had drifted closer to the steps, when the door swung open again to reveal Peter brandishing an unusually thick and sharp-cornered book. He was still huffing and puffing in _whoa-_ness and anger. He held the black book above his head, calling attention. "I hold in my hands the school's only copy of _He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named: the Memoirs of the Rising Dark Lord_, and because it is so heavy and sharp-cornered, I will not be held responsible for whomever's head is cracked open when I throw it at them!" He made a sort of furious battle cry as he descended the steps toward James and Lily.

Lily shrieked, but was silenced by James's yells as he put up a defensive stance, shielding her. "Lily, it's the Dark Lord, _run_! TAKE HARRY AND _RUN_!"

He was about to yell something else when the menacing, sharp-cornered book came plummeting down on his head while Peter's maniacal, high-pitched laughter filled the room. Lily was still rooted to the spot in fear as the book ricocheted off James's body towards her.

She drew her hands over the Puffskein, screaming, "Not my son, take me instead!" before the Dark Lord's autobiography crashed over her head and she was knocked to the ground.

An eerie silence fell on the room of witnesses, broken by Lily and James, gasping "_Whoa…"_ in unison. "I feel so betrayed, Peter…"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

That night in the common room, the fifth years worked in silence. Remus, Peter and James were now all believers. In this one day, they had all unknowingly snatched glimpses of their future, and it had left the three with a sense of doom and gloom that stuck in their bellies like a stomachache. Sirius was blown away.

"What they bloody hell is up with you guys? You're all acting like you've seen Death."

"That ridiculous," mouthed Remus, who had his head in his hands and was jabbing his blank piece of parchment with his quill. "No one can see Death. He has an invisibility cloak."

"And a watch," countered James gloomily.

The room was silent for a moment.

"Really," began Sirius, packing up his books. The others did the same. "You're playing some sick game with me, Right?" They began to climb the stairs. "What is all this crap about 'whoa', why do you all keep going 'whoa'? You even had Frank and Alice and, my god, even Lily's in on it!"

Remus pushed open the door and slunked into the room.

Peter pushed past Sirius, his body still aching.

James turned the corner to see Sirius blocking the way.

"Really, Prongs. Come off it—"

"What is it," James began to hammer, pushing Sirius out of the door frame and into the room, "that you don't get about Visions of Death?! Doom and gloom man, doom and gloom—don't laugh, Sirius, I'm serious!—oh for God sake's that's not funny either!"

James had pushed Sirius past his bed and was still backing him up. He continued to howl.

"Don't tell me you didn't feel it today when Bellatrix tried to hex you at breakfast? I swore I felt the room go cold. Stop laughing Black—"

"What, James, you want me to hide from the doom and gloom? Well then can I borrow your invisibility cloak or do I have to lock myself in a room for thirteen year….I'd go emo!"

"Actually," Remus interjected. "Emo doesn't exist yet…"

"Shut up, you love Sirius's baby cousin!"

James continued to hound Sirius. "You can be so thick sometimes….One day you are seriously gonna get owned, I mean…" But Sirius was laughing hysterically at James, who, in his frustration, pushed Sirius into the four poster bed.

"Ack, ack, argh!"

Sirius was battling with the bed, all caught up in its scarlet curtains, being smothered by a veil of velvet….

Then it was suddenly silent and still and James leaned over the bed to see if Sirius was still alive.

"Whrmmph—"

"What did you say Sirius?"

"_Whoa_…"

"Yeah," said James, crossing his arms in triumph, looking at Remus and Peter. "See, doom and gloom got you, too."

Sirius clawed his way off out of the linen-y mess "What does my death have to do with curtains?"

They all laughed at that, even though it wasn't funny because they all knew they were going to die. But what's life without the awful and untimely foreshadowing of your grisly deaths?

**It is very hard for me to type this due to the uncontrollable fit of sadistic laughter I am overcome with? Did you pick out all the foreshadowing? Wasn't it just deliciously ominous? Deliciously…**_**WHOA…?**_** I think I've just seen Death. Wait, no, he has an Invisibility Cloak and a watch. Send me your own **_**Whoa…**_** moments through your reviews! Special thanks to **alicecullengirl**for that extra hint of sadistic flare that is Peter Pettigrew. And wouldn't you just love a copy of the Dark Lord's autobiography: I sure would.**

**-PoM**


End file.
